One Woman's Clothes Battle

Just so you know, I haven't forgotten that my birthday mission for this month is to find clothes that:
                  
                  1) don't sag off my backside, and
                   b) look beautiful unto me.

I just haven't done much about it since my one day of obsessive looking at the internet-you-in-'til-your-eyes-go-crossed.  The thing is I've decided this task can't be executed as a drone attack.  No amount of aerial unmanned reconnaissance is going to make me confident that I'm in the killin' it zone.  What I need is a boots-on-the-ground perspective.  We're not talking big army here.  I need to send in the Special Forces.  I'm thinking a babysitter on Saturday for CPT Kindergarten, Little Linebacker and the baby while Sidekick Sister and I go and do some damage.  Can I get a Hoo-ah?

I'm especially excited about going shopping after going running today.  Because today I had to tie my jacket around my waist while I ran.  It changed everything.  At first I tied my jacket where I've wished my waist was for the last 30 years and it just slipped right off my unsubstantial hips.  So I gave in and double knotted my jacket at my real waist, which made me feel like I had my jacket riding in my underarms.  And then it hit me.  I have a short torso.  For whatever reason, today this hit me like an overly exuberant toddler from behind.

I am short torsoed!  I am a woman of short torso.  This is who I am, the girl with the short torso.

And here is the real magic of this dew from heaven, I am good with it.

So now for the clothes.  The clothes get to be the plaything for my short torso.  Looking for clothes will be like going into a hall of mirrors.  I can make my short torso look long, I can make my bulges go skinny and my skinnys go bulgy.  That is what is so darned rad and good about clothes.  So for me there shall be no more - "Darn," big sigh, "I just couldn't wear that dress."  It's going to be all, "Ooohhh that dress over there can totally make me look 6 feet tall.  Man, that would be a good joke that would make me smile and chuckle under my breath all the time."

I'm pretty darn sure I'm not going to come out the victor over fashion this weekend, but you know what folks, I believe the tide can turn my way.

Ha.  I think this is the most I've ever written about clothes in my life.  But just you wait until Saturday!