Dreams

There have been a few times in my life when my brain has stumbled to thinking about the weirdness of being alive.  I suddenly become very conscious of the fact that it is strange that I exist, that I have a body, that I move in time with other people, that I think thoughts and have feelings and I do all this in a series of moments that pass quickly and never come back.  I'll look down at my hands and it will totally creep me out that I've got them and that I really am a solid, moving thing.  Do you ever think about that?  If not, I'm sorry I even brought it up.  The thought always gives me the willies.

Anyhow - along with this thought sometimes I'll play with the idea that this life I have is all something I made up, kind of like a dream, and that everyone else is simply a character I created.  Which would mean that at night I have dreams within a dream (not unlike that bwessed awangement for you Princess Bride folks).  I mean, I have a husband and kids that make me really, really happy.  I have a Mom and Dad that I admire and love.  I have extended family that is varied and fun.  I have plenty to eat, a nice house, a big backyard.  I have good memories.  I've spent lots of time in pretty places.  I enjoy what I wake up and do everyday.  Life just seems too good.

But then I think, if this life were really a creation of my own mind, then I think I would have made myself a lot prettier, and maybe a little bit less inclined to love sugar, and my teeth would be straighter (wow - I'm really deep aren't I).  So then I settle on the fact that this life is something real which makes me really, really, really, very thankful that I got the one with the people in it that I did.

So today was the Sunday session of General Conference.  I liked it a lot.  It made me want to be better - and not the kind of better where you're like, "Oh, I totally stink and need to pull myself off of the bottom of the universe," but the kind of better where you're like, "I can do it, I can do it.  I know I can do this."  I do love being a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.  It brings me happiness and a purpose that I think makes this dream of a life one that I like so much.

P.S. - Dinner tonight was pulled b-b-q chicken (Put chicken breasts in a pan with your favorite b-b-q sauce and cover the pan with foil.  Cook in the oven at 225-275 for 4-8 hours.  Pull it apart and you got it done and people think you actually had to do something cookish to make it).  We put the chicken in these rolls.  Best ever rolls, EVER.  They're the best...ever...trust me.