I feel like I am on a roller coaster ride where I've been going up hills and shooting around corners and whizzing through loop-de-loops and even though I thought I was miles away from where I began, I'm suddenly coasting through the loading zone again ready to do the second run.
I was giving piano lessons to the girls down the street and some boys from church for awhile until a good pianist moved into the ward. Once I heard her play I cornered her and asked her if she wanted some students because I had some students and they needed a teacher that actually knew something about the piano. I was anxiety ridden every time I taught these kids because I was sure I wasn't good enough and was doing it all wrong. It's a personality challenge of mine. Sigh. So I quickly handed my guilt and my load over to her and had me a good, long breath of relief. But now she moved away for awhile. And the girls need a teacher. And I'm still just down the street. So they came over today for lessons...and they went well, really well. I felt confident and like I knew what I was doing and like maybe I could be a piano teacher. It surprised me.
And the Sidekick Sister, she's been doing reading lessons lately from the Teach Your Child to Read in 100 Easy Lessons that turned into 5000 Torturous Lessons for Captain Kindergarten. I was so scarred and guilt-struck and miserable from having forced C.K. through the lessons "for his own good" or maybe "for my own pride," that the sight of the book made me feel a little pukey. But the Sidekick wanted to do them. And she is flourishing at it. She recognizes "is" and "the" and can figure out words in her head. Today she did a lesson in the morning and insisted on doing a lesson before she went to bed. And C.K. said as he watched her read, "Mom, I think I want to finish my lessons in that book now."
The Little Linebacker he's going through a stage. Oh goodness a stage! I know this one I think. It's the I'm-almost-three-and-my-Dad-is-gone stage. Last time I saw it I fought against it. I demanded that it go away. It didn't listen and we were both pretty darned grumpy about it. I can't say as I'm going to get the stage exactly right this time. But I feel more open to it. I feel more patient with it which makes me so happy for the LL and so like giving CK a big chocolate cake tomorrow just for being the first.
I guess the roller coaster is just easier the second time around. You let yourself breath, you brace yourself for the corners, you know you're not going to fall out when you go upside down. You feel all cool, and awesome, and prepared and like you can handle it because you're together and all that. There's a lot to be said for just keeping on the track.
No comments:
Post a Comment