This blog isn't going to be a minute-to-minute pregnancy guide...probably...well maybe it might...well, hopefully not doggone it, but yeah, it probably is going to be a minute-to-minute pregnancy guide for a bit.
I'll tell you what, I try to think about what I'm going to feed the kids for the day, but I think about how I'm pregnant. I try to think about how I should do the dishes and clean up the house but instead I think about how I'm pregnant. I try to settle down and read for a while but I just think about how I'm pregnant...and on and on and on, you see. And it's not the, "this is my first pregnancy and I wonder how I should decorate the nursery," kind of thinking about being pregnant (but fifth baby don't feel slighted, I guarantee you I will love every last bit of you just as much as the CK), it is the "I feel weird and tired and I feel like stomping all over the house in a grumpy fit because of it" kind of thinking about being pregnant.
Now I'm not typically an even-keeled, mild, mellow girl as much as I way, totally wish I was. I lose my temper with my kids more than I should and get frustrated with other folks more than I'd like. But boy, pregnant-monster-me is like, "if you're not thinking about me and how you can make me happy right now, I'm going to give you the stink eye until you melt into the floor." It's pretty bad. The only life preserver I can give my family and good friends to keep from drowning in my moody self-infatuation is that once thirteen or fourteen weeks have gone by, I'll turn into this chipper, glowing, happy gal who forgets she's pregnant and thinks all the world is a wonderful globe of spinning joy (that is until I'm 36 weeks pregnant when the globe goes thumping off it's axis and all the world is a smashed tomato on the floor only to be rescued into perfect white, glowing wholeness when I hear that first baby cry).
And this is really why I know I should not be a judgemental person folks. Because I am so darned imperfect. Because I can give into a misery-spreading grumpiness for weeks in a row because I feel uncomfortable. It makes me want so very much to remember to just love everyone in all their faulty beauty. Mostly because love is what a faulty, beautiful person needs most.
2 comments:
I just had a good chuckle reading that... I swear you just gave the perfect description of pregnant me. So glad I'm in good company! Hang in there - the first bit is so much harder than the rest.
Amen! Both on imperfect people (all people) needing love and on pregnancy being hard. From weeks 36 to 40 in my pregnancies I wasn't fit to be around other humans. Hope you feel better soon to enjoy the spinning joy part. It will all be worth it! (Keep repeating that to yourself for now).
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