Joy

Tonight my #1 felt joy.

If I would have been given a survey this morning that said, "Where do you expect your son will find the most joy today?" I would have filled in the bubble next to "when he catches a touchdown pass at recess today," or "when he sees that there is ice cream in his school lunch."  If the only choices I was given were, "doing his homework after school," or "at his fourth grade Christmas choir concert," it would have taken me a moment to decide which one I thought would be slightly less horrifically agonizing to him.

But tonight, the boy found his groove at the concert.  He discovered and revealed an entirely new dimension of himself to me, although looking back now I can see traces of it in his past.  #1 is a ham, a player to the crowd, a spot-light reveler.  While other boys kicked their shoes and stared hard at the back wall, #1 was grinning, dancing and coming up with his own hand-motions to the songs.  He clapped for himself and patted his back when they were done with a number.  And the joy, the light in him - it happified (not one of Webster's words, but that's what it was) the room.  I laughed until I cried - or maybe I was laughing and crying - laughing because it was so comedic, crying because my boy was feeling golden.

There is a lot of messed up stuff that happens in the world - lots of messed up stuff that is happening right now, really - and I don't see an end to it.  So if ever fear comes to me, I'm going to hold onto this joy instead.  Because the joy is there, to be endlessly discovered and revealed.